Sloppy Seconds

A truly commendable first post, Morlock. My hat is off to you. And so is my shirt.

The Monkey here. For once (and only once, and also probably for the last time) I must admit that the Morlock is not exaggerating about his lot this year. It has truly sucked and I can't imagine the ass whipping your pride and ego have been taking. As someone well acquainted with the tooth aching sensitivity that bruised pride fosters, and as someone who is sometimes as equally motivated by ego as by morals, I think it is a big fucking deal that you have managed to pull yourself out of what had become a mocking and oppressive environment and that you found your way east to (at the very least) reconnect with people who nurture your creative and, frankly, dorktastic tendencies. I'm proud of you. No, seriously. It takes courage to make a blind leap of faith. Even if you whine and complain about it the entire fucking time.

Here is the thing about leaps of faith, though: the process blows. Any potentially life altering decision or risk that we make in our lives has to be built around a belief in something more enjoyable, fulfilling, exciting, healthy, or logical than what we are (or were) doing when the decision is made. It might be about changing jobs or leaving a marriage or moving to a new town or learning keyboards when you're really just a rusty trombone player. The point is, once the decision is made, your work is to deal with the decision and whatever comes along with it. It's too fucking late to second guess yourself. Of course, the decision is the easiest thing to try to undo, which is why at some point we all inevitably choose that route (like not leaving the crap job or the crap relationship). But the smart thing, the brave thing, the hard thing that will get us closer to a better mental state of mind is to follow the motivation that made us make the decision in the first place. To try. And then to keep trying. Because, what the hell else are you going to do? Satisfaction isn't some elusive place on a map and it certainly has nothing to do with the dollar amount on your paycheck (I don't think... maybe I just don't get paid enough). Satisfaction, like most things associated with happiness, happens in moments, in flashes. And the most rational way to make those moments happen more often is to somehow align your actions with your beliefs. It seems increasingly difficult to find professional positions where that specific opportunity exists, so as much as possible, you have to attempt it in your regular life.

Now, granted, this may just be my contrived way of saying, "Don't be a pussy! Stay here and be creative with your friends and trust that something will work instead of running back to Shitville, Texas for a paycheck you would likely blow on lager and whores." But, I'm pretty sure that if I wanted to say that, I just would.

- The Monkey