Twangy

Brandon, the guitarist/keyboardist in The Wallpaper Thieves, has just made one of the most inspired moves thus far in the short life of this band. A couple of weeks ago, he dusted off his 1984 Kramer Baretta.


That's Eddie Van Halen, of course.

So Brandon has owned this slab since he was 16 or so, but stashed it for the past decade in favor of more subdued guitars like his Telecaster and more recently a Les Paul. Good guitars, but both missing something. And my god does this apex-of-the-hair-metal-era axe have it. When I was 12 or 13 (1987 or so), a Kramer Baretta was generally preferable to a swimming pool filled with greased naked ladies. All the badasses played Kramers. The closest any of my peers came was an Ibanez RG550, like the one C.C. played on Look What the Cat Dragged In. Neon yellow. Hot.

Yeah, so ANYWAY, Brandon pulled his Kramer out of the closet, set up the bridge, locked down the Floyd Rose tremolo and plugged the beastie into his Orange half-stack. Good heavens... This is what's been missing. All three of us wear our influences on our sleeves. You listed to the music and it's not too difficult a task to come up with a list of 10 or 15 bands who we blatantly rip off. However, Dave, the guitarist with Grappling Hook, who isn't even a fan of new wave or pop, paid us a compliment when he said there's no way to put a finger on us. But throughout the quagmire of chattering influences, what was MISSING was the cock rock. I think we had a perception of slickness and songcraft, but were missing the flash. Back in the day, Brandon was regarded as one of the hottest shredders in Central Arkansas. No shit. Time and taste have tempered the chutzpah of face melting solos, but without a doubt some of that festers in his soul still.

So as we're playing through the set today, Brandon is pulling off Van Halen-esque divebombs and flutters with the whammy bar, pinch harmonics, squealies, tapping runs, all that jazz. A few years ago this would have been hokey or some play on hip irony. But now it just works. The songs are rocking, he's wailing, and it all kicks ass. I haven't been so excited about a musical project in years. It may seem wistfully naive to think guys in their early 30s are basing major life decisions on a band. To be honest, this project is really the main reason I'm out here in NC. It goes beyond the band though. It's an essential creative outlet, something important that's been missing from my life for many years. In lieu of sex, we rock. We rock! And laugh our asses off. And I don't really give a shitty shit if no one else thinks we're any good whatsoever.

I've also been spending hours on my MIDI setup, teaching myself to play keyboard. I've written three complete songs on the Moog patch and a couple of more complex "things" on the Oberheim patches. One will be in the "working" roster soon. New Style American Girlfriend. That's the title. It involves switching between bass and keys and back three times. I can't wait to play for people. Drunk and leaping.